I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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