so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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