So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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