I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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