My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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