And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
