Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
