New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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