By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
