i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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