I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
