She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
