He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
