3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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