Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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