This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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