i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
