tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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