I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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