Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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