Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
