the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
