Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
