Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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