I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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