i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
