I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
