is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The best revenge is premature balding
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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