I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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