I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
