I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
