Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
