Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
