Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
