i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The air taste purple.
Randomize
