Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
