Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
