what day is it and did you see me today?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sorry about my life...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
