i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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