Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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