Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
