id be glad to
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
