Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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