I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
