Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
