I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
