Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
