Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
