Betty ford says i'm here all night
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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