ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
