Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
