Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
