I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
