Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
