It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
